what have you done for me lately?

This guy’s neck says “f.t.w.”, which in lolspeak
means “for the win,” which is doubly delicious
when you consider how he was convicted of child
molestation. I am thinking only of that clip of Gene Wilder
going all apeshit on little Charlie Bucket like, “You get
nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!”

I do not want to imagine the circumstances under which
this lady committed “aggravated sodomy,” but unfortch
my brain is sorta compelled to, and I’ve brought my
mind’s eye into essentially a cinematic mashup of
the opening scene of Carrie and a lezzie prison porno.
Uncool, unless it was like the lady who raped her
grandaughter’s rapist with a gourd, because that was
a sweet twist of justice.

The internet has saved me from yet another bad
relationship; now that I know that the Claire Quilty to
Kurt Kobain’s Humbert Humbert, like ol’ Hum and Claire
themselves, has a taste for child porn.

Obviously?

This dude, and his hair, were convicted of oral
sodomy. But it doesn’t say non-consensual, and
like, it also doesn’t say they were a minor, so
I’m a little lost. If this dude has to knock on every
neighbor’s door and tell them he likes to toss salads,
that would be a gross abuse of a system that should
be used to torture dudes like….